Last week I had the pleasure of being on The Uncle Henry Show on 710AM, 99.5FM The Jag, and iHeartRadio app. This lively conversation revolved around the 4th of July of the past, present and future. Thanks Uncle Henry for the chance to talk fireworks and BBQs. Check out the show here >>>
My Favorite Firework Names and Brands
1. Gold Digging Blonde
2. Psycho Ex-Girlfriend
3. Big Fat Hissee Fit
4. Shotgun Wedding
6. Grounds For Divorce
7. Hasta La Vista Baby
8. Red Neck Ruckus
10. Neighbor Hater
11. Suicide Bomber
12. Nuclear Sunrise
Honorable Mention: Ambushed, featuring a George Bush image on packaging.
Things A Southern Man Should Never Bring to a July 4th Cookout
1. Tossed salad
2. Food in a container without a complimentary lid
3. Any half-eaten left-overs
4. Any fruit salad
5. Off-brand cold cuts and sausage
6. Prepackaged Marinated Meats - esp. Ribs
7. Anything with Veggie- as a prefix - i.e. Veggie Burger or Veggie Ribs
8. Off-brand condiments - esp. Katchup or Catsup
9. Your hosts ex-anything (ex-girlfriend, ex-business partenr, ex-mother-in-law)
10. New England Clam Chowder (well...any soup - chili is not a soup)
While I may want others to see me as a gritty and manly southern man, I was also raised by some strong Southern women who want me to always "act right" and not reflect poorly on the family's good name. Here are some simple to follow July 4th BBQ Cookout etiquette tips and suggestions:
1. Never come empty handed even if hosts says “Oh, just bring yourself.”
2. Never bring 1/2 of any type of beverage or half a bottle of warm wine. Bring a full 6 or 12 pack of beer and unopened wine and already cold when appropriate.
3. Don’t show up the host and don’t make an already loaded host refrigerator more congested. Only bring a side dish and never the main event course.
4. NEVER offer the host advice on how to get the grill lit, keep it the proper temp or how to cook the meat or buns properly. This applies even if said griller is doing it all wrong, which they probably are.
5. Do not arrive early for a BBQ or grilling party. Most party throwers are never ready on time. Allowing a 10 to 20-minute buffer can relieve some pre-party anxiety for your hosts.
6. If you show up an hour late, you won’t be tempted to break rule #4 - thus saving more party anxiety and possibly a fist fight. Plus, 1 hour is long enough to get there avoiding tons of small talk and just in time for the food to be cooked but not burnt or dry.
7. Clean up your plates, cups, and trash. Offer to pick up others paper products along the way.
8. Ask the host early if they will need any help cleaning up. 8 out of 10 times they will politely say “Oh your so sweet, but no thanks. Now you can have a good time and leave with an Irish Goodbye in good conscious.
9. Eat what you are given and try any food item personally offered to you by the cook or the food-bringer. (Food allergy suffers exempt.)
10. Never instigate a food fight or openly or slyly suggest turning this BBQ into a skinny dipping opportunity.
I hope some of these tips and recommendations help you navigate this week's plethora of 4th of July celebrations. Everyone practice safe fireworks and always be civil around the grill.